Dale Cooper (
tapestodiane) wrote2011-08-20 11:36 pm
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020 - action + audio
[Audio recordings to Diane; not on the network]
(August 14th)
Am starting to feel overcome by a familiar, dark, oppressive feeling. Fairly certain it is the onset of a depression, but at this time I am reluctant to label it as such. For the most part I feel haunted by a perpetual hopelessness. Feeling emotionally numb. Am not sure what to do.
(August 17th)
Diane, I never thought I would say this without hesitation, but at this point in time I would like to go home. While my life there is significantly grayer and I would greatly miss my both pokémon and some of the people I have met in this world, I can't help but feel like I would have a lot less to lose. It is a much rarer event back home for people to disappear without warning.
Believe the last thing I said to Applejack was "talk to you later."
(August 18th)
Diane ... I am finding it increasingly difficult to find some kind of peace in Johto. Ecruteak is doing little to distract me from these thoughts. Think I will try to find France.
[Private audio to France:] France, it's Cooper. Are you still in Ecruteak?
[He sounds sort of tired, but otherwise carefully neutral.]
[Action:] [You can run into him anywhere in Ecruteak, where he'll be spending time walking practically every street, looking a little closed off. Unless you find him by night - he'll be near the lake, looking at the half moon.]
[Audio, broadcasted to the network; nighttime:] All things considered, it wasn't too long ago people believed you would go crazy if the moon shone on you while you slept.
[Enjoy that little bit of information, Johto.]
(ooc: BACKDATED to thursday the 18th.)
(August 14th)
Am starting to feel overcome by a familiar, dark, oppressive feeling. Fairly certain it is the onset of a depression, but at this time I am reluctant to label it as such. For the most part I feel haunted by a perpetual hopelessness. Feeling emotionally numb. Am not sure what to do.
(August 17th)
Diane, I never thought I would say this without hesitation, but at this point in time I would like to go home. While my life there is significantly grayer and I would greatly miss my both pokémon and some of the people I have met in this world, I can't help but feel like I would have a lot less to lose. It is a much rarer event back home for people to disappear without warning.
Believe the last thing I said to Applejack was "talk to you later."
(August 18th)
Diane ... I am finding it increasingly difficult to find some kind of peace in Johto. Ecruteak is doing little to distract me from these thoughts. Think I will try to find France.
[Private audio to France:] France, it's Cooper. Are you still in Ecruteak?
[He sounds sort of tired, but otherwise carefully neutral.]
[Action:] [You can run into him anywhere in Ecruteak, where he'll be spending time walking practically every street, looking a little closed off. Unless you find him by night - he'll be near the lake, looking at the half moon.]
[Audio, broadcasted to the network; nighttime:] All things considered, it wasn't too long ago people believed you would go crazy if the moon shone on you while you slept.
[Enjoy that little bit of information, Johto.]
(ooc: BACKDATED to thursday the 18th.)
[action]
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[He's mostly thinking out loud right there.]
[action]
[Otacon sighed, answering honestly and finally giving voice to things that he'd only thought for months now.]
I have to go back. Snake and I have a mission to accomplish, and we can't abandon it. I can't abandon it.
But if--when I go back, I'll lose everything. My father, Heather, Liquid...I'll never see them again. I've lost just about everyone I've loved once, I don't know what'll happen if I lose them all now.
[action]
There should be a comfort in knowing you'll most likely not remember them on your return.
[He knows it isn't though. 'Should' is definitely the operating word.]
Then again, that fact mostly calls upon feelings of sadness.
[action]
[That had come out far quieter than he'd intended, and Otacon quickly turned his attention to the everpresent Arbok at his side as a distraction.]
It'd hurt less if I didn't remember, sure. Liquid was our enemy back home, and I got by well enough before this with Snake as the only friend I had. But I-I'd rather remember and have it hurt, because otherwise...otherwise all of this would just be meaningless, wouldn't it?
[action]
Entirely meaningless. One of the most cruel aspects of this world.
[action]
[He called his Arbok back into her Pokeball, absentmindedly fiddling with it as he talked.]
We can't change anyone else's future, even though we know it's just going to be nothing but suffering for them. Anybody could just disappear in a second, we're probably not going to remember any of this when we leave, and it's just...it's not fair, is it?
[Nothing ever was. Otacon knew that better than most.]
We're going to end up suffering no matter what happens.
[action]
[So, have an agreement to that statement. Life really isn't fair, after all.]
That's life, isn't it?
[He's only keeping his words few because he doesn't want to open up.]
You can't escape it.
[action]
[action]
[In true Cooper-fashion, anything edible or drinkable is a comfort. He touches Otacon's shoulder briefly in an open invitation to come along or not - either way, he's not going to remain by the lake much longer.]
[action]
[action]
[Sounds pretty damn familiar. Cooper will go ahead, then - true to his nature, he's memorised the location of any presentable place to eat or drink in town, and there is one place - not the best, but definitely decent - that should still keep open.]
[It's not too far and not a lot of people are out, but the light shining out from the place is a welcome sight, at least to Coop.]
[action]
Huh. Didn't realize this place was here.
[action]
[Stepping in and breathing in the scents, he does look at ease for a second. Nothing too difficult in finding a place to sit, given that they were almost the only ones there. It's sort of a dark mimic of their first encounter, really. The place is similar - only this time it's night out.]
[action]
[Otacon sighed and glanced out the window, but only really caught sight of his own pale reflection--he looked exhausted, didn't he? Maybe the whole idea of leaving Johto was more stressful than he'd realized.]
[action]
[Cooper shrugs off his vest and drapes it over the back of his chair before sitting down, looking ... probably about as weary as his companion, though his exhaustion manifests more in darkness under his eyes than paleness to the skin. He looks like he thinks for a moment, then:]
Do you know anything about the Four Noble Truths?
[action]
[Of course not everything would have been strictly related to his major, and so he'd ended up with a small amount of miscellaneous knowledge as a result.]
That's...some part of Buddhism, isn't it? Something about suffering and...er...I can't really remember the details, to be honest.
[action]
[It's completely different on Cooper's end - he never came across any of this in his studies, but found a bit of comfort and escape in it when he stumbled over it by chance.]
The first rule states that life is suffering. We suffer for as long as we live, because we can't escape any of it. Pain, death, disease, despair, sorrow, separation ...
[It's not an uplifting topic, maybe, but it seems appropriate.]
The second rule states that we suffer because we want. We want - or crave - life, death, things, pleasure. It can only lead to suffering because we can't have it. If we do have it, it can't last.
[action]
[He adjusted his glasses, thinking for a minute. What came next...?]
The third one was something like...suffering ends when we stop being attached to what we want. Was...that right? I can't really remember.
[action]
[He looks out the window for a moment before again focusing on Otacon - something a little more animated in him when he gets to talk about these things.]
If you manage that, you're actually on your way to Nirvana.
[action]
[A small smile twitched across Otacon's face at that--he did seem to cheer up faintly as he spoke.]
With guidelines like that, it's no wonder nirvana seems to hard to reach.
[action]
I always thought they had the right idea, but that if anything is damn hard to attain.
[action]
Hard choice, really...reach nirvana or spend your life devoted to something you might never get.
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