tapestodiane | 020 - action + audio

Entry tags:

020 - action + audio

[Audio recordings to Diane; not on the network]

_{(August 14th)}
Am starting to feel overcome by a familiar, dark, oppressive feeling. Fairly certain it is the onset of a depression, but at this time I am reluctant to label it as such. For the most part I feel haunted by a perpetual hopelessness. Feeling emotionally numb. Am not sure what to do.

_{(August 17th)}
Diane, I never thought I would say this without hesitation, but at this point in time I would like to go home. While my life there is significantly grayer and I would greatly miss my both pokémon and some of the people I have met in this world, I can't help but feel like I would have a lot less to lose. It is a much rarer event back home for people to disappear without warning.

Believe the last thing I said to Applejack was "talk to you later."

_{(August 18th)}
Diane ... I am finding it increasingly difficult to find some kind of peace in Johto. Ecruteak is doing little to distract me from these thoughts. Think I will try to find France.

[Private audio to France:] France, it's Cooper. Are you still in Ecruteak?
_{[He sounds sort of tired, but otherwise carefully neutral.]}

[Action:] _{[You can run into him anywhere in Ecruteak, where he'll be spending time walking practically every street, looking a little closed off. Unless you find him by night - he'll be near the lake, looking at the half moon.]}

[Audio, broadcasted to the network; nighttime:] All things considered, it wasn't too long ago people believed you would go crazy if the moon shone on you while you slept.
_{[Enjoy that little bit of information, Johto.]

(ooc: BACKDATED to thursday the 18th.)}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, it's a pretty big change from what I'm used to. I mean, I grew up in a pretty small town, but I've been around kind of big cities for a long time now.

Honestly, the change of pace is nice.

You and me both. Even Goldenrod seems small by comparison, doesn't it?

_{[But yeah ... it really is nice.]}

Goldenrod definitely isn't New York, I can say that much.

...I have to be honest though, now and then I can't really help but feel a little homesick. I mean, even if I'm not ready to go back yet, sometimes this place just doesn't feel right.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

I'm not complaining about that. New York was never that kind to me.

_{[But he sighs and casts another glance at the night sky in response, then opens his mouth.]}

Definitely not just you. It's an extraordinary place, but it isn't home.

It wasn't too great to me either, but it's the last place I was before I woke up here.

...good to know I'm not the only one thinking like that, at least. [He reached up to pet the quiet Arbok at his side, sighing.] I've got everything--almost everything--that I could want here, but it still feels off.

_{[A nod ... and a moment of silence, as he looks the other man over.]}

Do you know what you're missing?

...

[He glanced away at that, his Arbok wrapping her tail around his ankle in what was probably supposed to be a reassuring action.]

I...think my best friend left. I haven't heard from him, and when I tried to call-...it wouldn't go through. He's all I have back home, and now...he's pretty much the only person missing. It's almost ironic in a twisted way.

_{[His eyes fall to the big snake. He doesn't have any of his own pokémon out.]}

I'm sorry to hear that. But I guess sudden disappearances is something of Johto's speciality.

_{[He's not a fan of them. Not at all.]}

...I've been here been a long time. I'm almost used to it by now.

[Which probably said more about him than it did about Johto.]

Edited 2011-08-20 23:30 (UTC)

Almost. I don't think I'll ever get completely used to something like that.

No, you never really do. But I've lost a lot of people both here and back home, and...yeah. It just kind of happens, there's not much you can do but live with how much it hurts.

_{[He doesn't say "you can stop getting attached", and looks up again with a sigh.]}

I know.

...so what about you? What're you missing around here?

Very little.

_[Bluntly.]

In many ways I have much more here than I had back home.

I can understand that.

In the same boat?

Pretty much exactly, yeah.

Makes for quite an interesting set of feelings regarding this place, doesn't it?

_{[He's mostly thinking out loud right there.]}

Yeah.

[Otacon sighed, answering honestly and finally giving voice to things that he'd only thought for months now.]

I have to go back. Snake and I have a mission to accomplish, and we can't abandon it. I can't abandon it.

But if--when I go back, I'll lose everything. My father, Heather, Liquid...I'll never see them again. I've lost just about everyone I've loved once, I don't know what'll happen if I lose them all now.

Edited 2011-08-22 00:48 (UTC)

_{[They really don't seem to be too different, Cooper and Otacon, and Cooper doesn't answer at first, instead regarding the other with a small frown that's probably been ever-present this entire conversation.]}

There should be a comfort in knowing you'll most likely not remember them on your return.

_{[He knows it isn't though. 'Should' is definitely the operating word.]}

Then again, that fact mostly calls upon feelings of sadness.

...I don't want to forget.

[That had come out far quieter than he'd intended, and Otacon quickly turned his attention to the everpresent Arbok at his side as a distraction.]

It'd hurt less if I didn't remember, sure. Liquid was our enemy back home, and I got by well enough before this with Snake as the only friend I had. But I-I'd rather remember and have it hurt, because otherwise...otherwise all of this would just be meaningless, wouldn't it?

_{[He directs a weary, not-really-smile Otacon's way.]}

Entirely meaningless. One of the most cruel aspects of this world.

...maybe it really is pointless.

[He called his Arbok back into her Pokeball, absentmindedly fiddling with it as he talked.]

We can't change anyone else's future, even though we know it's just going to be nothing but suffering for them. Anybody could just disappear in a second, we're probably not going to remember any of this when we leave, and it's just...it's not fair, is it?

[Nothing ever was. Otacon knew that better than most.]

We're going to end up suffering no matter what happens.

_{[He'd say something about looking on the positive side of things, but truth is, in the end, he's not actually the person who does that - even less so now, with his mind in that lonely dark place that's entirely too familiar.]

[So, have an agreement to that statement. Life really isn't fair, after all.]}

That's life, isn't it?

_{[He's only keeping his words few because he doesn't want to open up.]}

You can't escape it.

...guess not.

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